Breaking up is (very) hard to do

By Gihan Shahine

"I'm living a nightmare," the woman, in her early 30s, said. Her voice was hardly audible, and she seemed ashamed to even mention the subject.

"I've lost everything. I have spent such a long time in court trying to be free. My husband used to humiliate me for not giving him children, even though the doctor said he was the one who was sterile. I definitely made the wrong choice. I advise every girl to study her would-be husband before she gets married," the woman murmured before turning away.

Across the courtroom, a man was more ready to talk. A Christian, he has to go to court to divorce his wife (a Muslim can simply repudiate her). But he said it was his wife who wanted the divorce, not him.

"My wife and I have been in court for years. First she filed for divorce and I refused. And now I am here to divorce her. I don't want her any more," he said firmly.

He puffed on his cigarette nervously. "All these people are here because their marriages were not based on mutual understanding." He pointed to the people standing in the corridor outside the courtroom. "My wife and I loved each other, but if we had understood each other, our marriage would not have collapsed. My mother-in-law destroyed our life and my wife listened to her. I'm an interior decorator and my income is not regular; it depends on the amount of work I do. My wife was not satisfied with that; she could not wait until we made a better life together. Now my two children have to pay the price."

The air at Al-Zananiri Court is thick with bitterness, sadness, regret, and animosity. Dozens of men and women who once thought they would spend their lives together were there to terminate their floundering marriages. Each one had a different story.

Judging from the faces of those who were waiting for their turn, it seems that breaking up is indeed hard to do. A quick look at the divorce rates in Egypt suggests that, despite the hardship and strain, more and more couples are splitting up. Have divorce cases really increased over the past few years? Who is initiating the trend? Can personal status laws address accumulating divorce lawsuits?

According to the most recent statistics issued by the Central Agency for Public Mobilisation and Statistics (CAPMAS), there were 69,219 divorces in 1996, representing 1.2 per cent of the total population (married couples represent 8.3 per cent). In 1993, the percentage of divorces had represented 1.1 per cent of the total population.

Divorce rates, however, are probably higher than official statistics indicate. According to Ahmed El-Magdoub, a sociologist and researcher at the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Studies (NCSCS), almost one third of married couples break up every year. El-Magdoub maintained that, out of 90,000 marriages taking place every year, 30,000 end up in divorce. On television recently, Islamic scholar Abdallah Shehata concurred, remarking that a couple is divorced every six minutes in Egypt, which means that one third of all marriages are headed for divorce.

The result has been broken homes and a steady increase in the number of divorce suits. According to Ali Sahaba, president of the Personal Status Court of Appeals, the court has recently been "overloaded with claims of divorce filed by both Muslims and Christians, educated and non-educated people from all social strata".

Cases of divorce, alimony, ta'a (literally, obedience -- a law which, theoretically, allows a man to return his wife to the conjugal abode by force) and custody drag through the courts for years. While divorce is usually fairly easy for men, women who initiate the separation can find themselves spending their days in court, unable to remarry, receive alimony payments, or lead a stable life until they receive a final divorce ruling.

According to a published classification of divorced individuals by profession conducted by CAPMAS, divorce rates are highest among teachers, followed by engineers and accountants. Painters, photographers, artists and religious scholars come fourth on the list of divorcees, with an annual rate of 190 broken marriages. Following are journalists, with 54 divorce cases a year, then athletes, with only 15 cases annually.

Statistics aside, many sociologists, psychologists, lawyers, and judges agree that divorce rates have increased significantly in recent times, especially during the past five years. Many note that divorce is more widespread today among young couples than it was in the past, and usually occurs in the first years of marriage. Others emphasised a change in the attitude of women who, in many cases, are the claimants in divorce cases.

"Divorce has become a social phenomenon that needs careful study," warned El-Magdoub. "The family is the cornerstone of society; and anything that threatens it endangers society." He added, furthermore, that the family is also a social microcosm: divorce is one of the repercussions of the abrupt shift from socialism or a welfare state to capitalism.

"Unemployment, low salaries, housing problems and skyrocketing prices have all driven young people to despair," he explained. "Many young men have felt forced to overlook many ethical standards, while many young women tend to have materialistic ambitions which make them more intolerant than their mothers were." El-Magdoub also believes that divorce reflects the dwindling influence of the family in society as a whole.

"In the past, the family played a key role in marriage, but now young people choose on their own, regardless of their families' opinion. More often than not, they make wrong choices based on sexual attraction and false appearances."

El-Magdoub has counselled many couples contemplating divorce. "In most of these cases, I found that the couple simply did not understand the true value of marriage. They were obstinate and reckless. They did not have a clue of what commitment really means," he said.

Sawsan Osman, dean of the Institute of Social Work at Helwan University, agreed that young couples have no understanding of marriage. "Marriage should be based on concessions. They do not want to compromise, and this is where problems begin," she maintained.

Many sociologists agree that women now are more likely to file for divorce than they were a few years ago. Almost all of those interviewed by Al-Ahram Weekly mentioned women's employment as a principal reason for this increased readiness. Madiha El-Safti, professor of sociology at the American University in Cairo (AUC), believes women's employment has resulted in a major role conflict within the home, putting paid to many marriages.

"In the past, divorce was stigmatised by the conservative elements of society," explained Zeinab Shahine, professor of sociology at Ain Shams University. "So many women had to make their marriages work, no matter how much they were suffering."

Today, Shahine added, the idea of divorce is more socially acceptable and, since many women are financially independent, they see divorce as a solution to difficult marriages.

Many young couples, however, are still uncertain as to whether women should share in household expense, or whether men should keep their traditional roles as the sole family breadwinners, although their wives may well be earning more than them. Many women now expect that their husbands help with the housework, while many men still believe this is a female duty. Such issues have been bones of contention in many marriages, El-Safti and Shahine agreed.

"For marriage to succeed, young people need to change their stereotypical views of the roles of husbands and wives. A happy marriage should be based on cooperation between two partners who have a deep sense of family commitment," Shahine noted.

There is a virtual consensus among sociologists that young people need advice on different marital issues. The way this can be done in a conservative society like Egypt, where people place high value on the privacy of personal and family affairs, remains a major challenge, however.

"Many marriages, for example, end very early on because of sexual problems," noted sociologist and researcher Ali Fahmi "Couples may not realise it, however, having never received any sex education. And even if they do realise it, they have no one to consult. Such problems are sensitive and are largely considered taboo." Counseling services, Fahmy suggested, should thus be provided to young people preparing to tie the knot.

Psychiatrist Youssri Abdel-Mohsen agreed that people "are seriously in need of family counseling." He maintained that marital problems lie at the root of many of the cases he handles. "Men need to be educated on how to deal with their wives," he noted. "Many women complain of their husbands' negligence and cruelty. People take these problems lightly, but in fact they are very serious. Simple information may really help a couple."

Helwan University's Sawsan Osman is the founder of the Family Support Association (FSA), affiliated to the Ministry of Social Affairs. The FSA provides counseling services to married couples, besides mediating in divorce cases referred by the personal status court, as a last-ditch attempt before a couple obtains a final divorce ruling.

"The idea has proved very successful. We have reconciled about 70 per cent of those who sought the centre's help," Osman noted. "Still, the centre has not attained all its targeted results. Many people are still not used to the idea. We need more publicity to inform people of the importance of professional counseling."

Ghada Nabil, a lawyer at the Centre for Egyptian Women's Cases (CEWC), provides legal assistance and counseling through the centre's services and hot line. "My experience at the centre showed me that women have little legal awareness. Both men and women should receive family counseling and sex education," she said. "Most of the cases I have seen are filed by women, since in Islam the man is usually the only one to have the 'isma (the legitimate right to divorce)." Many women, indeed, are under pressure not to request the 'isma; popular belief, furthermore, erroneously maintains that, if the wife has the right to divorce, this implies that the husband does not.

In most of Nabil's cases, women claimants cited physical and psychological harm as the reason for their case. In some cases, however, the husband has abandoned his family, or is not fulfilling his financial duties towards his wife and children, she noted.

In Shari'a, the woman has the right to claim for divorce while retaining all her financial rights in four principal situations: if she is subject to physical or psychological harm; if she is abandoned by her husband; if the husband has a congenital disease; or if he does not fulfil his financial duties towards his wife and children.

"In many cases, however, the woman cannot prove that she was subject to harm, especially in case of psychological abuse," Nabil added. "A woman may be psychologically harmed when her husband marries another woman. But for the court, there must be a tangible proof of that harm, for instance if the husband is not fulfilling his financial duties towards his wife and children. And even this is sometimes difficult to prove, as is the case when the husband humiliates his wife in private."

The result, at any rate, is that divorce suits instigated by women take a long time to settle. Many lengthy legal procedures delay the process. "It takes long time, for example, to inform the husband that his wife has filed a suit against him if he is abroad. Cases get delayed for months due to bureaucratic procedures and the fact that there are many cases but few judges," explained Nabil.

A woman has to file between nine and 20 lawsuits to attain a final divorce ruling. The result, in many cases, is that women either choose to spend long years in court or renounce all their financial rights to obtain a divorce.

"In most cases we advise women to give up their financial due in order not to waste time," said Nabil. "And in this case, divorce becomes an opportunity for financial gain for many men. If people were more aware of their legal rights, many of these problems could be avoided. For example, a woman can stipulate that certain conditions she adds to the marriage contract are binding. For instance, she could include her right to get a divorce if her husband marries another woman, or her right to divorce herself in case of harm."

A new draft amendment to the personal status code may solve all these problems once and for all. The draft, soon to be debated before the People's Assembly, is designed to facilitate the legal procedures in personal status lawsuits.

"It provides women with many gains," said Fawziya Abdel-Sattar, former head of the legislative committee of the People's Assembly. Abdel-Sattar explained that the new draft will save women the effort of having to go to more than one court by establishing "a family court" which will be assigned all suits related to personal status. The family court, Abdel-Sattar added, will be acquainted with all the different lawsuits filed by every couple and will thus be more qualified to pass judgement taking all aspects into account.

The draft also adopts the Islamic precept of khul', whereby a woman can simply ask the judge to grant her a divorce, and, in return, give her dowry back to her husband. In this case, a woman does not need to prove that she has been harmed, which will spare women excruciatingly long legal procedures, according to Abdel-Sattar.

The new draft also includes a term stipulating that women receive their alimony from the Nasser Bank, which will endorse the money paid by their husbands. This rule, Abdel-Sattar noted, will prevent women from paying the price if their husbands default on alimony.

The new draft also addresses a serious loophole in the Personal Status Law. According to the current code, divorce is considered final if the Court of Appeals rules in the wife's favour. If, however, the husband once again appeals in the Court of Cassation, it may overrule the first decision. If the woman is married to another man by that time, the court separates her from her new husband and forces her to return to her first husband. If she refuses, she finds herself guilty of bigamy.

The new draft includes a term stipulating that divorce rulings cannot be considered final unless the Court of Appeals refers them to the Court of Cassation in no less than two months. Then the Court of Cassation must settle the issue fairly quickly. Its ruling will be considered final.

Abdel-Sattar, however, notes that this particular amendment will further complicate matters for women, who will have to wait for three to four years to obtain a divorce ruling. "It contradicts the original objective of the law, which is to facilitate the legal procedures in personal status cases," she explained. "This term must be amended before the law gets the approval of the People's Assembly."

Abdel-Sattar also suggests that the verdict passed by the Court of Appeals be considered final, and that a case not be presented once more before the Court of Cassation. "Entitling men to revoke the divorce ruling by referring it to the Court of Cassation provides them with another weapon to avenge their wives," Abdel-Sattar maintained.

Some legal experts, however, reply that referring cases to the Court of Cassation is an additional guarantee of justice, and provides women with a chance to divorce even if the Court of Appeal does not rule in their favour.

But Abdel-Sattar refutes this claim, adding that "if a woman fails to get a divorce from the preliminary court and the Court of Appeals, she is unlikely to get it after that. Exceptions should not be taken into account when drafting legislation. Anyway, even in such exceptional cases, women can resort to khul'," she maintained.

Although the new draft solves many problems, many legal experts agree more should be done to alleviate women's suffering in cases of divorce.

According to Shari'a, for a couple to get a divorce, the judge must hear the opinion of two witnesses, one from the husband's family and one from the wife's. "The problem, however, is that the current law and the new draft do not consider the opinion of the witnesses obligatory, which further complicates matters for the woman. In the Personal Status Code of 1929, which remained valid until 1985, the opinion of the two witnesses was obligatory and people never complained. The judge cannot know better than the couple's relatives, if they say they should be divorced," said Abdel-Sattar.