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Al-Ahram Weekly 1 - 7 April 1999 Issue No. 423 
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Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875 |
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Al-Ahram Weekly 1 - 7 April 1999 Issue No. 423
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| Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875 |
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Egypt Region International Economy Opinion Culture Focus Interview Profile Features Travel Living Sports People Time Out Chronicles Cartoons Letters The problem with women
By Fayza Hassan
The number of early divorces is soaring, and simple empirical observation points to the reason: brides' mothers have forsaken their traditional role as harbingers of bad tidings, and now allow their daughters to believe that marriage is a piece of cake. One should not be surprised, then, when the poor girls grow bitter and disappointed, when they discover that, in these very modern times, they have tied their lives to a specimen deeply untouched by the advances of civilisation, an old-fashioned man not different in any noticeable way from their own fathers and older brothers. Since mothers are no longer doing a good job of telling their daughters that men are the only earthly creatures that never change, I think a few bits of wisdom, based on first- and second-hand experience, need to be spelt out. Young women who are contemplating long years of marital bliss should take notice at once and stop expecting that, once married, a husband will:
1) Come home bearing flowers (my husband only did when trying to impress a pretty dinner guest. My father never bothered).
2) Notice changes in hairstyle, make-up or clothes (I once stood in front of my husband wearing a long black veil and balancing a flower pot on my head. He asked me for the morning paper).
3) Compliment his wife on her culinary talents (when my sister-in-law came to visit from Canada after long years of absence, my husband begged her to bake his favourite cake -- a simple sponge -- and had tears in his eyes when she finally produced the overcooked delicacy).
4) Help with the cooking, the dishes or anything to do with housework (my father often recounted fondly, and in great detail, how he once made his own coffee when my mother was too ill to make it for him).
5) Stay at home with a bedridden wife (my husband drove me home from the hospital, left me standing in the driveway with the new baby, waved gaily and went off to play golf).
6) Spontaneously suggest an outing to the movies, a restaurant or a party (a quick survey of my acquaintances has proved irrefutably that the thought only occurs to husbands when they are trying to make up after a particularly virulent fight, and only during the first year of marriage. Personally, I was only asked when it was good for business).
7) Give up a football game to let his wife watch her favourite show on another channel (I never even dreamed of suggesting it).
8) Pick up his own towel, rinse his own tooth brush, or screw the toothpaste top back on after use (the few husbands who have been painstakingly trained to do it are still crying to their mothers. A faithful maid, or at least separate bathrooms, can go a long way toward solving this particular problem).
9) Go shopping or window-shopping, unless he is looking for a tie, the only item wives are apparently incapable of buying for their husbands, although they did quite well in that department during the engagement period (in the case of ties, husbands will choose to go shopping alone).
10) Allow his wife to smoke if he himself has stopped. He will, however, puff merrily if it is the other way around (both my father and husband insisted on opened windows in the middle of winter and at the height of the khamasin, and looked with unmitigated horror at lighters and ashtrays once they no longer needed them).
11) Pick up his own clothes (in all honesty, my husband did, but never missed an occasion to tell all and sundry that I was definitely not a gifted housewife).
12) Pick up his wife's clothes (I have never heard that such a rare specimen has been sighted).
13) Accept any minor change in the daily routine which has been established for his convenience only (I often had to beg out of well-remunerated overtime, though we badly needed the extra cash, just to be on time to serve dinner).
14) Plan activities for the children (at my daughters' school, everyone believed that I was an unmarried mother).
15) Drive the children to ballet classes, sports events or parties (as above. A driver, when at all affordable, or a good friend with whom to share the chore are far more efficient solutions).
16) Listen to complaints about female friends.
17) Allow his wife to remain friends with the wives of his former friends ("Those who offend my partner have offended me," was one of my husband's favourite mottoes. He, however, remained friends with my worst enemies).
18) Admit that his wife has a good disposition (perfectly justified complaints on my mother's part were summarily dismissed on account of her bad nerves; I was accused of "having changed" whenever I refused to put up with the worst).
19) Put up with a wife who is not constantly, against all odds, in the best of moods. As a rule, wives are branded kill-joys, and husbands are therefore fully justified to take whatever measures they deem necessary to escape the sombre atmosphere of their homes.
Any bride reckless enough to want to give marriage a try should include this well-known prayer in her wedding vows: "Give me the courage to change what I can change, the strength to accept what I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference."
