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Al-Ahram Weekly 27 May - 2 June 1999 Issue No. 431 
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Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875 |
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Al-Ahram Weekly 27 May - 2 June 1999 Issue No. 431
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| Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875 |
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Egypt Region International Economy Opinion Culture Profile Living Features Travel Sports People Time Out Chronicles Cartoons Letters Secretly yours
By Mariz TadrosSoha met Ahmed during their second year in college. It was love at first sight, and they couldn't wait to get married. Only they couldn't: her parents and his would definitely have refused that they get engaged, let alone married, at this stage in their lives. Soha's parents would have rejected Ahmed for many reasons: he has not completed college, he is not financially secure and well, who knows, maybe a brighter and wealthier suitor will come along once Soha completes her undergraduate studies. As for Ahmed, his parents would definitely reject the idea if they knew: what's he doing thinking about marriage when he has not established himself? Besides, they are very suspicious of whether a young woman who let herself fall in love and date a man can ever be trusted to make a good and loyal wife to their son. Soha and Ahmed would have had to wait, not only until they graduate in a few years, but until Ahmed finds a job, an apartment and the kind of money needed for a wedding. Basically, they would be waiting for a long time.
So Soha and Ahmed decided to get married behind their family's back, the Urfi way, with two witnesses and a piece of paper saying they are married, nothing more. A wealthy friend of Ahmed's offered to make available an apartment of his which was used by the newly "married" couple. But after a while, things turned sour, and went well beyond your average lovers' squabble. They both felt under tremendous pressure and just could not keep it up anymore. Eventually, after a lot of agonising, Soha decided to leave him. She wanted to put the whole thing behind her, and sought a hymen repair operation. Luckily, she was not pregnant, although many other young women in Soha's position are not so lucky.
But if Soha and Ahmed at least secretly consider themselves to have been married, the Islamic Research Academy (IRA) does not think so. In a statement released last week, the IRA announced that only marriages registered with the ma'zoun (Islamic public notary) or the relevant official government bodies were legitimate. According to the statement, any marriage should rest upon basic Islamic foundations, as dictated by the Shari'a. One of the requirements is the official or public announcement of the marriage, a missing factor in Urfi marriages. This is in the interest of both parties, said the statement, and is especially designed to protect the interests of women, who are likely to lose much more than men in case of separation or divorce. The Grand Sheikh of Al-Azhar affirmed the IRA's stand this week, stressing the illegitimacy of Urfi marriages among university students from an Islamic viewpoint, although the statement was about Urfi marriages in general.
Ra'fat Osman, professor of Islamic jurisprudence and member of the IRA, strongly condemned the practice of Urfi marriages in universities, pointing out that one of the fundamental requirements of an Islamic marriage is the presence of a woman's guardian. "A woman cannot marry herself: her guardian, usually her father, has to sign the marriage contract. The Prophet's Hadiths [sayings] all testify to the importance of the presence of the woman's guardian. A woman is by nature an emotional creature, and she could be easily deceived by appearances. The guardian is assigned in Islam to protect her and her rights," he explained. Another fundamental requirement is that the two witnesses must have a good and reliable reputation, which is often missing in Urfi marriages at university, he said.
According to Osman, the reason Urfi marriages have become so popular in universities and, to a lesser extent, at secondary schools, is moral decadence. "Young people are not brought up correctly by their parents and they are exposed to all kinds of messages from the media. This is why you only get this kind of thing happening in the city. Have you heard of these kinds of illegitimate marriages in the countryside? Never," he emphasised. According to Osman, the proof that the reason why young people contract Urfi marriages is not economic "is that they get married in secondary school or the first years of university, when they are not yet in a position where they can complain that, no matter how hard they work, they will not make it financially," he explained.
On the other hand, Osman believes that not all kinds of Urfi marriages should be prohibited. "If a married man does not want to hurt his wife's feelings by remarrying officially, he could marry the second wife in an Urfi marriage." Osman argued that, in Islam, people are asked to choose between the lesser of two evils, and in this case, it would be a lesser evil if a man were to take a second wife without hurting the feelings of the first, and without getting involved in an illegitimate extramarital affair.
The crux of the matter, in any case, is that marriage is the only socially acceptable and religiously sanctioned framework for having sexual relations.
If all Urfi marriages become illegal (haram) as stipulated in the statement made by the IRA, this could block one of the most important clauses introduced in the draft Personal Status Procedural Law, namely, recognising Urfi marriages by granting women the right to divorce. A legal divorce from an Urfi marriage however, guarantees none of the financial rights a woman receives in a divorce from a legal marriage, such as the right to alimony. Fathi Naguib, assistant to the minister of justice and one of the strongest advocates of granting women the right to a divorce in an Urfi marriage, notes: "I understand the position of the Islamic Research Academy but if they believe that Urfi marriages are illegitimate, then surely they would want to liquidate them, and that is only possible through a legal divorce." He also said that women must have a way out of these marriages, especially since it is usually the men who keep the document proving their existence: "If it does not work out, they cannot end up imprisoned in such a marriage forever. They cannot remarry until their husbands divorce them, and they cannot remain in a marriage in which their spouses have, more often than not, disappeared," said Naguib. Ironically, although a woman's right to a legal divorce from an Urfi marriage is denied under the current law (since the Urfi marriage is not recognised), "she could still face criminal charges of bigamy if she marries someone else in a formal marriage, and her first husband, who had left her many years ago, suddenly appears and decides to be nasty." Naguib insisted that the recently suggested measures to stop Urfi marriages will do no such thing. "It is a reflection of the tribal culture, where nobody is entitled to his or her privacy. Girls need to be made aware of the risks but, at the end of the day, people need to make the decisions for themselves," he concluded.
Hoda Badran, head of the Alliance for Arab Women, also believes that awareness is the most effective means of reducing Urfi marriages, which deny women the right to request their most basic rights in case of divorce.
Although there are no statistics on the incidence of Urfi marriage in universities, most tend to believe it is becoming very high. "We don't have numbers, but it is definitely a phenomenon," said Badran. "The Alliance for Arab Women has a programme which raises awareness among young women in universities about the risks involved in Urfi marriages. We do not tell them not to get married: we advise the young women that if they want to go ahead, they should do it at the registry office, which hardly costs them money and which makes the marriage legal. They don't have to go to the ma'zoun and they don't have to tell their parents. We tell the young women 'this will be a test of whether he really loves you or whether he is fooling around. Besides, when you don't have your parents on your side, you would want to at least secure your legal rights'," she said.
Badran believes that parents should stop making unreasonable financial demands on men who propose to their daughters. "This increasing materialism is not doing anyone a favour. Parents see the lavish weddings held by friends and neighbours, and demand the same for their daughters."
The heart of the problem, according to Badran, is that youth choose the option of Urfi marriage because "when they get married at a young age, it is because they do not have any hope that they will one day be able to afford to marry." Addressing problems of unemployment and housing, she suggests, would perhaps be more effective in deterring Urfi marriages among students.
