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Al-Ahram Weekly 20 - 26 April 2000 Issue No. 478 
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Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875 |
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Al-Ahram Weekly 20 - 26 April 2000 Issue No. 478
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| Published in Cairo by AL-AHRAM established in 1875 |
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Egypt Region International Economy Opinion Culture Heritage Features Travel Living Sports Profile People Time Out Chronicles Cartoons Letters Abdel-Wahab Mutawi':
Lend an ear
For 18 years, he has been listening to people's problems and pain. His dream is to devote all his time to confession -- specifically, others' confessions. He is not a priest, though; just a journalist, who dreams of quitting his job one day so he can listen full time
Profile by Nadia Abou El-Magd
More than once, I have heard people asking: "Did you read Abdel-Wahab Mutawi' today?" At least one person in the gathering always hastens to interrupt: "Please don't say what the problem was. I would like to read what he said myself." That was one of the reasons I really wanted to meet the man who has become a byword for wisdom in the Egyptian press, and maybe the country in general. Mutawi' is far more than an agony uncle: the veneration in which he is held should justify making him a national treasure. And his wider audience's fascination, beyond those who write to ask for help or just to share their pain, cannot be attributed to voyeurism.
"Dear Abdel-Wahab Mutawi': I'm a 28-year-old woman. I was brought up by my father, with his extensive religious knowledge, my wise, refined mother and your beautiful letters, which I became addicted to when I was little... I learn from people's mistakes and from your answers to them. I still have clippings of many of your beautiful messages, either because they are so wonderful, or because they touched something in me." This is an example of the hundreds of letters Mutawi' receives every week. The woman, who has two children, is writing to share her experience with breast cancer, and to tell Mutawi' and his readers how her faith in God helped her conquer the disease.
Al-Ahram's Friday letters section is a microcosm of society in many ways. I still remember a message from a woman who was raped in front of her husband during the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait in the summer of 1990. There are many more letters, though, and many more problems, some mundane, others tragic: fathers working abroad while their families are in Egypt, co-wives, Urfi marriages...
I've been a reader of his Friday mail column in Al-Ahram for a long time. Like many of his other readers, I keep clippings of some of his answers. His words are soothing, his logic convincing. His unfailing faith in optimism, his emphasis on "beautiful patience" and "the rewards of heaven" echo in my mind.
When I called him to make an appointment, his voice was the way I had imagined it would be: deep and reassuring. When I met him on the fourth floor of the Al-Ahram building, he greeted me with an apology: there would be many interruptions, he warned, as he is in charge of the Al-Ahram daily edition. A few minutes into the conversation, my colleague, photographer Randa Shaath, commented that it is not easy to take photos of him, as he is very shy. He didn't contradict her.
Mutawi', 60, has been reading and listening to people's problems for the past 18 years. "I was placed in charge of the daily Letters to the Editor section of Al-Ahram in 1982. A few months later, I thought about introducing different kinds of problems, which were not being dealt with in the letters. After all, not all problems have to do with electricity or telephones... Many of people's problems stem from their relationships with others. I started broaching these issues cautiously, taking into consideration the conservative nature of Al-Ahram. I don't think the paper had ever published letters recounting emotional problems before."
Mutawi' is quite conservative himself. He rarely publishes messages about adultery or incest. A few months ago, his mailbox became a forum for heated debates about sexual problems and marital expectations. It was very obvious that Mutawi' was not comfortable with the idea of discussing these topics in detail. He closed the debate.
Mutawi' still remembers the first letter of a personal nature: it was from a young father who had just lost his child, and whose sister had just given birth. He wrote to tell Mutawi' that he insisted on celebrating the new baby's arrival. "I told him he was a great man," remembers Mutawi'. "He tried to rise above his tragedy. I asked the readers to share his feelings, and 30 or 40 people wrote in, sympathising with him."
From above top: a pensive moment; honoured during celebrations of Cairo University's 75th anniversary; Husbands and Wives, a television serial to which he penned the screenplay
The publication of such letters encouraged others to share their feelings and problems. Now, Mutawi' receives between 200 and 250 messages every week -- and that's not counting the people who insist on meeting him personally. Going through this huge volume of correspondence is not an easy task. Mutawi' skims through the messages and picks out 25 or 30. He reads them carefully to choose four or five, and puts the other letters he deems worthy of publication in a special file. Reading the problems of the week and providing answers takes at least four hours. Mutawi' has four assistants: one social worker, two reporters and a volunteer. He has installed a lamp in his car so that he can continue reading as he commutes. He hates to waste two hours a day in traffic.
He has read so many messages of suffering that he sometimes feels he has lost count. Still, some stand out in his mind. Mutawi' smiles shyly before he says in his soft, deep voice: "Sometimes I feel I need to write an article about this. I remember once, a man wrote that after 30 years of marriage, when his wife died, he walked in her funeral while in his heart he was cursing her. I was aghast at how a bad marriage could lead to such bitterness." As a result, Mutawi' became very aware of the "psychological alienation of some married couples."
Among the recurrent themes in the letters he receives are the problems in relationships between men and women. Mutawi' believes that gender relations have grown more complicated in recent times due to women's awareness of their rights and their rejection of the idea of male supremacy, which prevailed until 30 or 40 years ago. According to him, successful relationships are the ones that succeed in reaching a balance, or perhaps a compromise between the wife's independence and the husband's supremacy. Mutawi' believes that wives are less tolerant than they used to be, which is one of the main reasons for rising divorce rates. "I'm against divorce in a family that has children," he notes. "Some women accuse me of being biased, because I ask them to put up with an unhappy marriage for the sake of the family. Some men are angry that I oppose taking a second wife, for the same reason. That's normal, I'm not upset."
Does he have to make an effort to overcome his tendency to view men more leniently? "Listen, before I try to solve any problem, I pray to God to bestow on me right, justice and guidance. If you ask me what my bias is, I'll tell you I'm biased toward the children. I believe that children prefer to be with both parents no matter how many quarrels they have or how little they love each other. Children don't understand this emotional language. What they do understand and want is security with their parents, no matter how happy or miserable they are together."
According to him, however, "all pain is worth sympathy." Still, some suffering is particularly intolerable, "like losing children, God forbid." Does he cry sometimes while reading the letters? Mutawi' pauses, then replies: "Of course, it's only natural. I'll never forget a letter I received from a mother who wrote to me about losing her son. She used such moving language to mourn him, you feel she was screaming from the bottom of a pain that was just heart-rending."
Reading about and living other people's pain must have affected his personality. "It influenced me positively and negatively," he says, as if he had rehearsed the answer. "Positively, when one is exposed to such a wide panorama of human suffering and pain, one deals differently with one's own suffering; one tends not to exaggerate or be engulfed by personal problems and pain. However, no matter how much you try to create a buffer between yourself and other people's problems, inevitably their suffering becomes contagious." Every six months or so, he is suddenly overwhelmed by the pain. "Following the advice of a friend who is a psychiatrist, I isolate myself completely: I don't read, hear or talk about problems for 15 days. I usually go to Paris; it has become a routine of sorts over the past 18 years."
And speaking of psychiatrists, does he consider himself a therapist by remote control, as it were? " I'm not a psychiatrist, but I've read a lot of psychology. I don't know which one led to the other. Have I always been interested in psychology, and did that interest make me sensitive to people's problems? Or did working in this field make me more interested in psychology? At any rate, being involved in this field pushed me to learn more about both psychology and the Shari'a. I'm very cautious not to give any advice that contradicts the Shari'a and religion in general."
Is he more religious because of the Friday mail? He pauses before replying: "I pray to God that I am. You know, listening to people's problems and tragedies, I appreciate what I have and became more keen not to disobey God." Mutawi' thinks our society has become more open and willing to talk about its problems. However, due to the pace of our lives, not many people are willing to listen, and few are ready to go to a psychiatrist. Many still associate therapy with mental illness. "Nobody is free of problems, but usually people confide in spouses, siblings or friends."
Mutawi' himself is better at listening to people's problems than talking about himself. He has two children: Karim, 24, and Reem, 22. His wife is a homemaker. His daughter asks him for advice more than his son, who used to read every single word his father wrote until he turned 17. "Now he reads me selectively."
At 17, Mutawi' himself was just beginning his career in journalism. He started working at Al-Ahram before graduating from the journalism department at Cairo University. Now he is managing editor of Al-Ahram and editor-in-chief of Al-Shabab (Youth), a monthly magazine.
"One of my dreams is to retire from journalism and become a full-time writer. My daily job is against art, but I still haven't mustered the courage to make such a decision."
Most of his 40 books are about relationships. His first was entitled Friends on Paper. Most of his books are compilations of the letters he receives for the Friday edition. In one of his recent works, entitled Please... Give Me your Lifetime, Mutawi' argues that we need more than one life just to be able to understand and master the art of life. Still, learning from other people's mistakes helps -- by telescoping the painful learning process, as it were, distilling it into vicarious experience.
"Please," I say, "tell me the secret of life." He smiles and says: "Once a philosopher was asked to explain his philosophy briefly. He wrote 13 books. I've learned that there is nothing in life that justifies losing somebody we love, or hurting others. Nothing wins in the end except death. We should be good people."
Photos: Mohamed Anan
