1 - 7 March 2001
Issue No.523
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Al-Ahram Weekly On-line 1 - 7 March 2001 Issue No.523 |
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Train of thought
A PILE of papers, a blue pen and a big smile: that's all it takes to dash into the lives of complete strangers, of people with absolutely nothing in common but the fact that they are all Egyptians in the process of travelling.
"She has a right to divorce herself if she cannot take it anymore." "He has the right to slap her if she has done something wrong." "The kids should be Egyptians like their mother." "No, beating her is out of the question." "Our family, after all these years, still insists that a girl should not be educated and has to marry her paternal cousin," said the 25-year-old from Upper Egypt.
Most of the answers came with stories of a sister or a close friend who has suffered or caused suffering. Questions that should have taken five minutes at most took 15... At other times, conversations were interrupted by abrupt departures and arrivals.
The train was about to leave. The party of five women and two children, who happened to be on the wrong side of the platform, decided to stop answering and take a short cut (by climbing off the platform, onto the tracks and up the other side, only a few seconds away from the whistling train).
A flood of lifetimes seemed to drown me in dreams and realities. I barely knew these people, but I was in on their secrets, like the 21-year-old man who is married 'Urfi and yet believes that a woman married that way has no right to a divorce.
First impressions are tricky. You would have thought so too if you had seen the man who said he was 100 years old, married 16 times and the father of over 50 children. He looked 60, was dressed rather humbly, and the fact that he was waiting for the train to take him to Zaqaziq made me wonder about his two cars left back home.
It was a very revealing experience: how little we know of the "Other" we keep referring to so much.
Amira El-Noshokaty
THE IDEA of asking people their opinion as part of a general study is a little odd to many Egyptians. Many thought we were salespeople, social security workers, state security or even crooks or pick-pockets.
Women from Upper Egypt were especially afraid. I found one sitting on the floor and began my usual introduction about what I was doing and how much I would appreciate it if she agreed to answer a few questions. But the woman stared at me so hard she frightened me, leaving me with the impression that our conversation would end with me being killed or at least beaten. Then she answered: "I agree, but on one condition: ask my husband's permission before you talk to me." I looked around for him and asked her: "Where is he?" She answered coolly and seriously: "In Aswan."
Mustafa El-Minshawi
REMARKABLY, many Christian respondents were very well informed about Khul' and the difference between Khul' and divorce.
Most of my respondents said that a woman should not request Khul' in reaction to her husband's refusal that she go to work. They argued that a woman who works cannot look after her children. Men, however, agreed that Khul' was legitimate if a husband prevents his wife from seeking an education, since, as many argued, ignorant mothers bring up ignorant children.
Strangely enough, most men believed that a woman would seek Khul' because she wanted to leave her husband for another man.
Reham El-Adawi
KHUL' is for loose women with no moral restrictions on their behaviour. This new law is degrading," said a middle-class nurse, who seemed even more conservative than her husband. He was proud of his wife's answers, at any rate. The answer shocked me, but the first rule of polling is: Do not show any displeasure or astonishment when you hear an answer you do not like. That rule was really essential: I heard many unexpected answers that normally would have provoked me.
The picture was not that dim, though, for almost every person I asked believed education was a woman's inalienable right. That gave me hope that a better education can lead to a better understanding of one's rights. On the other hand, the contradictory answers relating to the 'Urfi marriage question were shocking. I remember the 24-year-old sales representative who believes that the 'Urfi marriage is totally shameful but served as a witness to four 'Urfi marriages himself as a law student at Cairo University.
The funny thing is that people who were reluctant to answer the questionnaires at first soon started to tell stories about their marriages. I heard some great ones that made me forget the long hours we spent standing and repeating the same questions over and over.
Dena Rashed
A WOMAN from Upper Egypt was my next respondent. I introduced myself to and asked her opinion of the new Khul' law. She stared at me for a moment, then suddenly grabbed me by the neck, hissing: "Stay away from me..." I turned and fled.
Another woman thought I was a presenter from the TV show "Candid Camera." I tried to convince her that I was not playing a trick on her, but in vain. She asked me not to include her in the show.
Then one man left in the middle of our conversation to catch the departing train. I ran after him to ask him the last question in the form (Do you agree that the children of an Egyptian woman who is married to a non-Egyptian should receive Egyptian nationality?). He boarded and began to think about the answer while I ran alongside the train, which was moving by this point. "Please, have mercy on me and tell me if you agree or disagree, there is no time," I called out. He answered: "I agree, I agree, I agree," and the train picked up speed. I wrote down his answer and took a rest at the café.
Mohamed El-Sayed
IT STRUCK me that many people did not support a woman's right to travel or to work or to be protected from her husband's abuse. Nor did they all agree that she has the right to give her own children the Egyptian nationality if she is married to a non-Egyptian, although the results were divided. The only right most people believed all girls and women should have is the right to education. And finally, many people, even the more educated ones, found it very difficult to comprehend the idea that the marriage contract could be treated as a contract, with provisions guaranteeing a woman the right to work, to an education, to travel and to protection from abuse.
Soha Abdelaty
SOME people thought I would give them money for answering, or that I was from the Ministry of Social Affairs. Others refused point blank to talk to me. "Write whatever you like, this is illicit and immoral," said one young lady after I had explained Khul' for the seventh time.
Then there was the man who shouted at me and accused me of working with Israel and the US. He was about to beat me, but my supervisor came and saved me just in time.
Amany Abdel-Moneim
DEALING with people was not as easy as I had expected. Though most were very helpful, some, especially women, refused to talk to me. Men were kind, except for the lunatic I met on the second day. The man grabbed me by the hand, shouting: "What you are doing is forbidden by God. God is going to punish you for every single paper you are holding."
Employees of the railway station were very nice to me, offering me coffee or tea every day. One of them was so generous that he told me: "Anything you want from the station, just come to me. I am ready to get you and your family a ticket to Alexandria any time you want at my own expense. The ticket will be first class!"
Reem Leila
THE BELIEF that public opinion is predictable is very naïve. Having started out with the perception that one can easily gauge the mainstream of public opinion, I went to the station with the assumption that the main concern everyone would have would be physical abuse of women. On the other hand, I thought that female education was to a great extent perceived as a luxury rather than a necessity. I also assumed that 'Urfi marriage was a taboo and a secret never revealed to anyone.
All these assumptions dissolved as I started asking questions, however. To my surprise, many people thought that if a man prevented his wife from obtaining an education that would constitute more valid grounds for divorce or Khul' than if he beat her. I was also surprised to realise that 'Urfi marriage was a common phenomenon people were acquainted with. Although most of the respondents perceived it as a taboo, they often added that they personally knew a couple of cases. This did not mean that such cases were public knowledge, of course.
It was also surprising to see that public awareness of personal status laws was very high, although only a small percentage of survey subjects assumed that such laws would be likely to affect them personally. At the end of the poll, I could see that pre-determined assumptions of public opinion are very inaccurate. The only way of understanding public opinion, ultimately, is to listen to the people themselves.
Nesrine Badawi
A WOMAN told me that the people of her town don't acknowledge divorce, let alone Khul'. "Why are women looking for husbands if they can get rid of them that easily?" she asked.
That some women don't understand what Khul' is all about became even clearer to me when a woman told me that she had in fact obtained a divorce ("khala'tuh"); what she really meant was that she leaves her husband at home and works herself to take care of him because he is sick. So she thought this qualified as Khul'.
Equally astonishing was the man who told me that he approved of 'Urfi marriage "because it prevents men from raping women out of sexual frustration."
Another told me that he didn't believe children with an Egyptian mother and a non-Egyptian father should receive Egyptian nationality, "because then they could have two nationalities and get out of a lot of things: like he can come to Egypt without having to get a visa, but he can also avoid military service because he can say he is not Egyptian."
It is not easy to talk to strangers; it is even harder to get strangers to open up to you. You are, after all, a stranger to them too.
Heba Adel-Aziz
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