1 - 7 March 2001
Issue No.523
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Al-Ahram Weekly On-line 1 - 7 March 2001 Issue No.523 |
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Bound by the blank
The new marriage contract was issued six months ago and, while heralded by many activists as a guarantee of women's rights, the new format has yet to gain widespread acceptance -- especially among men.
Issued last August, the contract is designed to insure the accuracy of personal information presented by both parties to the marriage. Bride and groom must each provide five photos, verified mailing addresses, and fingerprints.
These are the least controversial aspects of the new contract, however. The problem is the blank space at the bottom of the page, where either party may add customised stipulations.
According to one ma'zoun (official responsible for carrying out marriage and divorce proceedings) who works in Zamalek and spoke to the Weekly on condition of anonymity, the space was left empty on all the marriage contracts he processed in December. "Ninety-five per cent of the brides I have dealt with do not write any conditions. In a very few cases, the bride included the stipulation that the groom was not to take another wife," he explained, adding that those willing to make conditions were usually those who had been married before.
According to advocates of the new contract, the blank space allows women to include conditions that do not violate the Shari'a (Islamic law): for instance, to determine which spouse owns the furniture or is to keep the marital abode in case of divorce. They may also stipulate their right to obtain employment and education.
Reham, who is 26 and was married for five years before going through a lengthy and complicated divorce, says she would make use of the contract to protect herself "if he [the prospective groom] forbids me from my right to work or if he marries another woman. Then I should have the right to ask for a divorce," she said, explaining: "I feel insecure after the failure of my first marriage. That is why I know I would want my current fiancé to put his promises down in writing."
Nirvane, who is only 22, has been married and divorced already, and believes she could have avoided many of the problems she faced in her marriage if she had stipulated specific conditions beforehand. "People change after getting married, especially men. So nothing is really guaranteed, but the conditions stipulated in a new contract could help preserve my rights," she opined.
On the other hand, Mona, who is 24 and newly wed, believes verbal agreements carry more weight than those put in writing. Explaining her preference, she said: "In Egyptian society, 'a man's word' is strong enough to finalise a business deal."
Married last November, Nesrine and Mohamed agreed that they would not include any conditions in their marriage contract. "The conditions are little more than a new fashion," said Mohamed, adding: "In my opinion, they would only ruin the marriage, not help it, because marriage is built on trust." As far as he is concerned, "people should undergo medical tests before getting married, and I think that is the best stipulation included in the new marriage contract."
Yet Nesrine and Mohamed were not tested before they got married, and the ma'zoun did not require them to provide a certificate of health. The new law requires a couple to undergo certain tests before getting married, but it has become common practice for the bride and groom simply to sign a document indicating they are have no serious diseases that could prevent them from getting married.
Another couple, Nevine and Mahmoud, who have known each other for six years and are currently engaged, believe that making sure you have chosen the right person is the key to a good marriage. "Maybe the conditions are useful for couples who do not know each other well enough," mused Nevine. Mahmoud is one of those rare men who says his future wife should add conditions to the contract if she wants to. "There is mutual trust," he said by way of explanation.
But not all couples can afford the idealism of love. Eid Ahmed El-Said, the ma'zoun of Bein Al-Sarayat and Ezbet Zenin, a lower-income district, noted that in his experience some marriages fail at the last moment because of the conditions one party wants to add. "It is usually the condition concerning the ownership of the furniture in the marital abode that could ruin a marriage-to-be. Lower-income families tend to include every little item bought for the house in a list. They go so far as to include the number of forks and knives," explained El-Said. These "furniture lists," known as the qaima, were sometimes annexed to the old contract.
Beyond the divides of class, gender seems to rule supreme in determining attitudes to the new contract.
"A man is a man" is the rather meaningless phrase used most often in explaining why men should have the upper hand in marriage. Raef, who is 24, feels that conditions in a marriage contract would degrade the sanctity of marriage, but, more importantly, would have a "negative effect on the man and result in an unbalanced relationship." Raef drives his point home by pointing out that "if an argument arises, the man's word should prevail, not the conditions."
Osama, who has been engaged to Remy for five months, agrees. Remy says that although she trusts Osama "if he wants to marry another woman then he has to get my approval first." But as far as Osama is concerned, that's a no go. "Certainly, I would not agree to any conditions in the marriage contract. I would never feel at ease if I know that I am constrained by conditions. I would feel stripped of my rights if I started my marriage in that way," he said.
Wise men such as El-Said are confident that such attitudes will change. "Men refuse such conditions because they are still single. However, when they grow up and become fathers to daughters, they will realise the importance of preserving women's rights and attitudes will change."
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