21 - 27 March 2002
Issue No.578
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Al-Ahram Weekly Online 21 - 27 March 2002 Issue No.578 |
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Ideal mother? Says who?
Declaring anyone the "ideal" anything sounds slightly far-fetched. Mahmoud Bakr discovers, however, that we are sometimes too quick to assume
Had she passed you by on the street, you would have hardly noticed her. There is nothing stylish about her clothes, nothing glamorous about her looks, nothing forceful about her demeanor. But when she speaks, a hint of resolve comes into her voice, a glint shines through her eyes, and a sense of achievement rises from a well-hidden corner in her heart. Ibtisam Mohamed Omran, has just been named 'Ideal Mother' by the Cairo governorate. This is her story.
While the government may have concluded that Ibtisam was the ideal mother, the real voices echoed judgement when her children spoke out
"I did not apply for the Ideal Mother contest," she told Al-Ahram Weekly. "Every year, I would go to the Social Affairs office with my children to collect book subsidies and apply for a waiver of tuition. My husband is retired, and our only income is my husband's pension. This year, when I applied for a subsidy from the Social Affairs office, the head of the office asked me for some photos and papers to document the struggle we have been through."
Two months later, the phone rang in Ibtisam's modest flat in Helwan -- Cairo's southern-most suburb. It was the department of Social Affairs, confirming what Ibtisam, deep in her heart, always knew. The department declared her mother extraordinaire.
"The incident that made me so determined to conquer my illiteracy and continue my education came just after my father's death in 1985," Ibtisam recalls. "I signed papers I thought were in my favour and then discovered they were used against me. I did not know what I signed, because I could not read and write well."
She was born into a conservative family in Sadfa, near Assiut. She left school at an early age, married her cousin, and moved on to Cairo -- close to her husband's work in Helwan.
The cultural shock was severe.
"I had many difficulties coping with the cultural differences of this new society," she says. "This affected me deeply and aroused in me a desire to continue my education."
She was hesitant at first, but eventually intimated this wish to some of her educated relatives. Instead of encouraging her, they made, instead, disparaging remarks.
"I lived through a period of internal turmoil," she says, the sorrow and hurt at remembering the negative reaction evident in her strained face. "I used to cry when I was alone. Finally, my husband sensed that something was wrong. I told him I needed to continue my education, and he agreed on the spot."
True to her desire, Ibtisam completed a programme of literacy classes, then enrolled in a school home programme -- a feat and accomplishment she is particularly proud of. Not just for herself, but for her children.
"We used to study together and actually help each other," she says of her study time with her children.
It sounds a simple task -- a path of life as smooth as any young student's educational track. But it was not quite the case.
Ibtisam is particularly critical of the way the home education programme is run, singling out a school in Helwan where teachers were particularly abusive towards home programme students.
"One excessively severe official tried to discourage us by saying, "I bet none of you will pass the exams."
It did little to phase the determined mother. He proved to be wrong; Ibtisam graduated with honours. She came first in her high-school diploma exams, and went directly to college in 1999. At 53, this mother of three is a student of computer and commerce at Ein Shams University. Ideal mother and mother extraordinaire? Certainly, it is obvious, a statement far from far-fetched.
Ibtisam's children share their thoughts on their mother extraordinaire
"My mother was a role model. I always looked at her and wondered how she could keep this entire thing going all at once, taking care of us and studying. She always took such good care of us. Education actually boosted her and made her so eager to keep our lives in order. I used to study harder, just because I wanted to keep up with her."
(Mahmoud, communications student, Tanta University)
"Every daughter wishes that her mother is caring and close as a friend -- that she can share with her everything that goes on in her mind; that she helps her cope with adolescence, and teaches her how to stand on her own two feet. But to have a mother who is actually living like you, reading what you read, studying what you study, getting scared before exams just like you are. This does not happen to everyone."
(Rasha, medical student, Qasr Al-Aini)
"Have you ever met a woman who wakes up in the morning, takes care of the house, then runs to college, takes classes, rushes back home, prepares food, and sits with her children to study? After lunch, we all would sit at the same table, discussing our problems, sharing every detail. Then we would begin studying -- very hard, all of us."
(Maha, science student, Helwan University)
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