Restaurant review:

By the pool

We stretched in the sun and exposed our soft underbelly

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The sage of Egypt's modern education, Taha Hussein, once said that education should be free, like water and air. Seventy years later, his words come back to haunt us like a reverse omen. Our air and water now mirror our public and private education. One is murky and free, the other bottled and expensive.

For those seeking a satisfying dose of water, air and sun -- at a price -- in the heart of Cairo, the Nile Hilton pool is a perfect choice. It is surrounded by grass and tall trees on all sides, making it almost secluded. The clientele are classy. A mix of Gezira Club escapees, aging and old money, and young and lithe foreigners, some with discrete tattoos and body piercing. If the pool gets crowded, climb up behind the bar (under renovation) to a terrace furnished with umbrellas and lounge chairs. There you can get a lovely view of the Nile and the Arab League verdant, manicured lawn. Don't trust the League's clock, its concept of time is formed by belated consensus.

You cannot bring your own food, which should not be a problem, but is. For the past two years, I have mostly survived on the generous serving of peanuts that comes with my cold beer, and I use the bucket of ice in which the beer arrives to cool my smuggled bottle of water. But man cannot live on peanuts alone, even when man is semi-naked and dishevelled under the tree.

The high-maintenance Brunette has emerged from a high- security, high-mortgage settlement on the western outskirts of Cairo to meet me here. I am buying lunch because she's helping me acquire a wardrobe of Hawaiian shirts (total seven, purchased over seven weeks, still cheaper than an average platter at this particular venue, and equally edible). I have been saving for a week, and I have a bottle of smuggled water in my blue, fashionable satchel (made by African refugees).

Just before ordering, I spot the Giant. I don't know what the Giant does, but we say hello occasionally. As he puts on his goggles to go swimming, I approach him with a pre-emptive smile. Has any of the burgers, pizzas, appetisers improved of late? He wants to help but is lost for words. First, he recommends the salads, playing it safe. I press him more and, with an embarrassed, unsure smile, he blurts out that the breaded chicken is acceptable. I relay the information to the Brunette who calls the shots.

We get the smoked salmon platter, which comes with a delicious horseradish sauce and capers, not much preparation and not a glitch. We also get a tuna sandwich to share, which comes with mayonnaise and vegetable topping on brown bread, lovely but exceptionally small. We're hungry still and order again, the club sandwich this time. After an hour of waiting, the sandwich comes in a grumpy mood, with a distinctly smelly layer of smoked turkey. We return it and go back to peanuts.

Hilton pool, (02) 578 0444, is open 9am to sunset daily. Cabana day use (for legally- certified Egyptian families) is LE230 for two people, LE290 for four. Day use per person is LE80 (you have to be accompanied by a health club member). Our three beers and two appetisers are LE200 including tips.

By Nabil Shawkat