Cairo Driving 101

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Dena Rashed 's tips:

* Always assume that the next driver will make a huge mistake, so you stay one step ahead.

* Remember to hit the brakes, not when the car in front but when the one in front of it does: the driver of the one in front of you maybe in the middle of downloading a song from his mobile phone, or his brake lights may not be working; it is likely that he has had to hit the brakes 500 times on his way from Mohandessin to Heliopolis.

* If you ever see a ball in the middle of the road, stop immediately: a child will be running after it before you know it and that child is likely to die.

* If a pedestrian is crossing the street and he is not looking at you, don't use your horn: if you do you will scare him into stopping in the middle of the street; just let him pass.

* Don't assume that the green light means you can go. Always double- or triple-check, especially at night.

* Horns are used to mimic swearwords: learn the special tones if you want to know when you are being sworn at; don't swear at other drivers unless you are willing to have a fight.

* You know you are a veteran once you start imitating taxi drivers when they thank other drivers for giving them right of way by blowing their horns to produce a tiny beep. Don't overdo it, however; otherwise you will be one among hundreds of microbus drivers, beeping constantly for no apparent reason.

* Just like going to the movies, the two hours spent on a 15-minute drive are more enjoyable if you add popcorn and a drink; make sure your radio or cassette is functioning and that your phone is fully charged; you will need them, too.

* Don't be upset if your mirrors are repeatedly hit: the general assumption is that they are not part of the car.

* The fastest way to overcome the anger of a driver is to just lift your hand up in the air by way of apology; short of a crash, this actually works most of the time.

* Don't assume that the left lane is for fast cars: this is a free country; pick your lane, just don't complain.

* Don't be offended by looks from pedestrians: they are testing you and it is not personal; they simply believe they can cross whenever they feel like it, you should just know when to stop even if you're going at 80km per hour.

* Think videogames (no restart!): it is always a thrill to get home and realise you have actually made it alive, and it is even more thrilling when your car has not been scratched.

* Once again, and forever, always assume the other driver is going to make a huge mistake.